Remembering

I am going to write about something I don’t think I have written about before. I am hoping I don’t make it too depressing as it is kind of a somber topic, but I think I might gain something by facing it.

After the dreaded hotel party, I made a friend. He lived in my neighborhood and he was a troublemaker. He was a rebel without any real cause, but he was also a good listener. We began dating and my mother wasn’t having it. I can remember one night where I really wanted to go see him, but being a mom, she refused to let me.

He didn’t know about what happened to me, no one really did. But we would hang out and he would play me albums of bands he liked, like the Kottonmouth Kings, and we would hang with other scruffs from the neighborhood and do the usual teen things like smoking weed and bullshitting about life.

We lost contact when we each moved from the neighborhood. But I cared about him and would hear things on how he was doing.

One day, I was hanging out with David when my cell phone rang. It was my best friend at the time Bri and she simply said, “Chris is dead, he was shot by a police officer.” Ironically, Jumper by Third Eye Blind was playing on David’s stereo.

What I hadn’t known is Chris suffered from Bipolar Disorder. The night he was killed, he was in a manic state. He was also drunk. He had called for emergency services for help. He ended up on the roof of his house when they arrived. He was waving a pellet gun around when it aimed at the officer who responded by shooting a 12 gauge shotgun into Chris’s chest, causing him to fall off the roof and killing him. The officer claims he thought it was a real gun in Chris’s hand.

Chris was like a best friend more than a boyfriend when we dated. He was the first guy I had consensual intimacy with. He made me laugh at his ridiculousness and I would enjoy just sitting on a parking stop watching him try to do tricks on his skateboard.

Everytime I hear Jumper, I think of him. I could imagine if he had his choice, it would be some ridiculous Kottonmouth Kings song…

I hope he is happy wherever he is.

The angry boy a bit too insane
Icing over a secret pain
You know you don’t belong
You’re the first to fight
You’re way too loud
You’re the flash of light on a burial shroud
I know something’s wrong
Well everyone I know has got a reason
To say, “Put the past away.”

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