The crimson wave has plagued me monthly for 22 years minus the two years I was on Depo – the shot – that made me blissfully happy that flow was an absentee. Until one day I forgot and had an oops which turned into a just kidding which turned into a surgery to avoid hemorrhaging at miscarriage,
My period was the bane of my existence until I was diagnosed with stage 4 endometriosis and opted to have the surgery. Since then it typically works like this: Light spotting for two days, moderate flow for a day, tapering off for a following two days. Rinse and repeat.
Not this month. I spotted for a day, and I have flowed non stop for the last 5 days. I am on day 6 and have ruined countless innocent underwear, So since this is abnormal for me, I have come up with possible reasons this is happening aptly titled:
Crimson tide’s revenge
- Immaculate Miscarriage: I haven’t copulated with anyone in about 3 or 4 months. I found my cross pendant the day before crimson wave began and I started wearing it to, I guess, find God. Apparently the cross brought on this immaculate miscarriage to cleanse me of my sins.
- Endometriosis is back. The most rational of reasons. In which case I will opt for the removal of my uterus since I don’t want to have children.
- My best friend caused this. We were chatting the other day and she was telling me how she thought one of her crimson waves was a miscarriage. My uterus is all like monkey hear, monkey follow suit.
- Karma. I was thinking how great it’s been that my crimson waves have been short and only mildly irritating. Karma is often touted for being a bitch.
- This is the last period of my life. It’s going to go out with a bang while I’m only 32.
- Cervical cancer. I had sex with a relatively large specimen back in August and I bled like I was stuck with a knife and it was rather painful. Kind of reminds me of when I gave my virginity away. Once born twice a virgin, what can I say?
- PCOS. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, What’s another diagnosis in the midst of my collection?
- Internally bleeding. Even with the absence of feeling weak and dying.
- Perimenopause 10 years too soon. Maybe not my last period, but the beginning of its end.
- Because it can. It will. And it’s doing it – what am I gonna do about it?
I would say I’d call my doctor. But that’s just talk. I hate the gyno more than I hate the dentist.