Period Post. Period.

The crimson wave has plagued me monthly for 22 years minus the two years I was on Depo – the shot – that made me blissfully happy that flow was an absentee. Until one day I forgot and had an oops which turned into a just kidding which turned into a surgery to avoid hemorrhaging at miscarriage,

My period was the bane of my existence until I was diagnosed with stage 4 endometriosis and opted to have the surgery. Since then it typically works like this: Light spotting for two days, moderate flow for a day, tapering off for a following two days. Rinse and repeat.

Not this month. I spotted for a day, and I have flowed non stop for the last 5 days. I am on day 6 and have ruined countless innocent underwear, So since this is abnormal for me, I have come up with possible reasons this is happening aptly titled:

Crimson tide’s revenge

  1. Immaculate Miscarriage: I haven’t copulated with anyone in about 3 or 4 months. I found my cross pendant the day before crimson wave began and I started wearing it to, I guess, find God. Apparently the cross brought on this immaculate miscarriage to cleanse me of my sins.
  2. Endometriosis is back. The most rational of reasons. In which case I will opt for the removal of my uterus since I don’t want to have children.
  3. My best friend caused this. We were chatting the other day and she was telling me how she thought one of her crimson waves was a miscarriage. My uterus is all like monkey hear, monkey follow suit.
  4. Karma. I was thinking how great it’s been that my crimson waves have been short and only mildly irritating. Karma is often touted for being a bitch.
  5. This is the last period of my life. It’s going to go out with a bang while I’m only 32.
  6. Cervical cancer. I had sex with a relatively large specimen back in August and I bled like I was stuck with a knife and it was rather painful. Kind of reminds me of when I gave my virginity away. Once born twice a virgin, what can I say?
  7. PCOS. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, What’s another diagnosis in the midst of my collection?
  8. Internally bleeding. Even with the absence of feeling weak and dying.
  9. Perimenopause 10 years too soon. Maybe not my last period, but the beginning of its end.
  10. Because it can. It will. And it’s doing it – what am I gonna do about it?

I would say I’d call my doctor. But that’s just talk. I hate the gyno more than I hate the dentist.

 

Comments

Say Something

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s