An Open Letter to Me :: Danger

Darling,

You are a danger to yourself in this whirlwind ridiculousness that you’ve weaved yourself into the last 5 almost 6 years. For the betterment of you, I am going to list all the qualities good and bad about him and maybe for once, the writing on the wall will help you to stop the fucking madness.

He’s unattractive. We are sometimes taught to see beyond looks. It’s the more genteel human compassion kinda way. Unfortunately when it comes to matters of the heart, attractiveness matters. Strip away societal norms and even on a biological level, attraction makes a difference. He has a large beer gut, scarred pitted face and back from acne, his teeth are yellowed with a black spot on the one to the left of his front tooth. He wears the same tattered ratty clothes he’s been wearing since you met him. What the fuck is wrong with you?

He drinks like your father. Every night while you’re playing with his kids or getting them ready for bed he is consistently stationed behind the kitchen bar and knocking back Corona after Corona. He may not hit you like your father did your mom, but he’s a goddamned alcoholic. Good grief. You think you would’ve learned by what you lived through in your childhood.

You don’t ever want to have sex with him. Ever. And when you do you regret it and have to fake it like you’re a broadway star. Have some self-respect. If you can’t stand getting into bed with him, how do you think you’d ever be able to be serious with him? This is why you have left in the middle of the night pretty damn consistently for the last 5 almost 6 years. Stick with the girl who walks out that door, she’s your fucking savior.

You don’t want to kiss him. The most you allow is a peck unless he’s really drunk and trying to slide his tongue down your throat. And the pecks remind you of the few times your dad kissed you when you were little. Like a dried old butthole.

He lives in a shithole and treats it like a shithole yet acts like it’s a goddamn castle. Enough said.

Signed,

The girl inside that knows you need to get your shit together.

PS. Notice there aren’t any good qualities.

 

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