I received some fearless feedback from a good friend today. To quote, “When you say something, it’s like you’re swinging a bat. And though you don’t do so with malice, it’s blunt nonetheless. You’re an acquired taste.”
At my place of work, fearless feedback is meant for growth. It’s meant to hear something negative either about what you’re doing or how you handled something and to improve and make it opportunistic. Strive to do and be better.
I don’t feel this way about the fearless feedback today. Yes, I am an acquired taste – but on some level isn’t everyone? I mean there’s a reason for cliches like you can’t please everyone (you’re not pizza). But not to be used as an excuse. I don’t plan on ripping someone a new asshole with my sharp tongue then expecting to be like, “can’t please everyone.”
I am blunt. I will say what I feel or think about something and I do have the person on the receiving end in mind, but I talk to people the way I expect to be talked to. I encourage honesty and open communication; and for me, the best way to get that is to be open and communicative. Speak my mind, so to speak.
When my friend said this to me, we were in the middle of a conversation about relationships and relating with others. He was lamenting that he was over what happened with his last marriage and I said, “This is coming from a person who has known you only a year and communicated on and off in that time. And not meaning this offensively, but I feel that with your particular ego you were hurt deeper than you think.” Basically, I was saying take what I am about to say with a grain of salt and know that I’m not meaning inflated ego or anything like that, but what the ego is by definition.
ego | ˈēɡō | noun (plural egos)
a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance
Namely, I wasn’t trying to say he had an inflated ego. Maybe more like a sensitive one. He’s confident in whole, but his vulnerability lingers closer to the surface.
Anyway, back to me, and my ego. I had a blog once. I may have mentioned it here and there. The name may have been combat babe. There may have been a bluntness in it that overpowered every post I created for it.
But what one has to understand, with every message I may send verbally or written there is an equal and opposite over-thought to it. I’m shy, quiet, observant. A bit introspective, perhaps. I worry and analyze every interaction I have with everyone. Strangers as well. Strangers who I will 9 times out of 10 not see again in my life.
So yes, I am blunt. Yes, I am an acquired taste. But instead of changing, I am learning to own it. I’m learning to be unapologetically and unabashedly me. Without a nickname like Combat Babe to hide behind. And blunt nonetheless, but my intentions are never with malice. Unless you’re Tim and you’ve pissed me off.