So on my last post, one of my besties from afar commented a link they wanted me to check out. I read some of the posts on that site, but it didn’t completely fit. To clarify it was a link to a blog written by a self-proclaimed narcissist on traits narcissists have. The part that didn’t fit was violence and blocking someone from leaving.
He has never blocked me or used any physical force against me. He’s begged, but that stopped after a while to resignation of “there she goes again.”
I don’t know if he is a true narcissist. I think what he is, is just plain selfish. It would be his rules because that’s what benefited him. It was when I didn’t want to play by the rules, shit would get dicey.
When I wanted to live with him, I was at a fractured part in my life. I was coming to accept my mental illness and I was not working and living on disability. I wanted to move in with him and be a family and find work in his town (he’s an hour away from where I live).
He didn’t start to want me until I was working full-time to stay afloat and fully off the disability. But that’s when I wasn’t sure I wanted him anymore. And not just him, but the lifestyle he was living.
He drinks. And when I say drinks, I seriously think he could drink most alcoholics under the table. He can have an 18 pack in one night (he doesn’t drink in the day) and not slur a word. You cannot tell he’s drunk aside from the fact that he’s more relaxed about things compared to when he’s sober.
And I don’t for a second think I am perfect. I have a trait that runs parallel to his; I am a snob. As I like to say, I am the product of my environment. When I lived in Virginia Beach, we had a nice house in a nice neighborhood where everyone manicured their lawns. In fact, I don’t remember seeing lawn services in that neighborhood when I was a kid. I was never in want for anything. My mom provided for me and my sister in amazing ways. We were not rich, but we did have nice things.
I came to Florida in ’96. South Florida. I don’t think I have to say much more. I’m in the land of Jaguars, Porsches, Lambos, etc.
So he lives an hour away. He lives in a town that most people wouldn’t voluntarily go to on the nicest day. He has a 40/50’s built Florida home with Terrazzo floors throughout. When I snub my nose at Terrazzo here, most people look at me funny. Then I have to explain: It’s not the original color and it’s lucky to get cleaned once a year.
He’s a carpenter whose expanded his business into a residential renovations firm. Yet he’s living in a dingy, filthy place. His excuse has always been it’s the kids. Yes, he has full custody of his children, but he’s scared to move them because that’s all they’ve known as their home.
Well I moved as a kid. I got over it… it’s life.
I’m seriously arguing with him in a blog post. I have issues.
Bottom line: he’s selfish. I’m a snob. Yet I keep going back and he keeps letting me.
I don’t know.